Five 80s & 90s Movie Alien Mothers
As Mothers Day comes to a close, some Gen-Xers say goodbye to their mothers after a nice brunch or remember their mothers who are no longer with us. Others are estranged from theirs and think about the lovely, witty TV sitcom surrogate mothers who guided them through childhood.
Not me. I think about aliens. Specifically, I think about movie alien mothers. After all, aliens want to procreate and continue the existence of their strange lifeforms too, even if it is often at our expense. Although their behavior may be strange (okay, sometimes lethal), maybe it’s just that we don’t understand them because… well… they’re alien. In an attempt to fathom these otherworldly matriarchs, lets have a look at these five 80s and 90s movie alien mothers.
Xenomorph Queen, “Aliens” (1986)
Is the Xenomorph Queen just misunderstood? Hear me out before you pass judgement immediately: She finds a colony of suitable hosts for her face-huggers to impregnate and her soldiers to protect. She goes there and takes care of business because that’s what moms do. Okay, her way of procreation is a little different. There are many native species right here on Earth that reproduce parasitically and we largely just look the other way with them, but a Xenomorph starts laying waist to a HUMAN colony and everybody has a hissy fit, especially Ellen Ripley! She takes out the Xenomorph brood with futuristic space guns, flamethrowers and an exoskeleton mech! Remember this feud next time you see a suburban soccer mom rivalry heat up.
Sil, “Species” (1995)
Maybe the terrifying, armor-plated alien mom thing sets you off. Well, meet Sil. She can go from armor-plated, alien monster to super hottie in a matter of seconds and she wants to be a mommy real bad. Like an out-of-control teen on Maury Povich, Sil is on a mission to get any man she can find to be her baby-daddy. But alas, her offspring will be far worse than the trailer dwelling troglodytes on Jerry Springer. Her kids will be nefarious, alien-human hybrid menaces that will change the face of our whole world for the worse. Can this preternatural Lolita be stopped before she starts popping out those little anchor aliens? Remember to wrap up tight fellas!
Celeste Martin, “My Stepmother is an Alien” (1988)
Okay, maybe you don’t want any armor-plating or mass murder at all. You just want a hottie, humanoid-form mom. I get it. In that case, you want Celeste Martin, the OG 80s alien MILF. I’m convinced that Kim Basinger’s character and Missy from Bill & Ted might very well be completely responsible for the Millennial preoccupation with “step porn”. Did I mention Celest comes to earth with a device called “Bag” which is a designer purse containing an extraterrestrial tentacle? Yup. Anyhoo, Celest comes to Earth to investigate Dan Ackroyd’s sciency wave that messes with her planet and ends up hooking up with the lucky fella. She’s an alien and only has information about Earth that is 92 light years old so she’s really goofy which is funny and hot. Yada yada.
Borg Queen, “Star Trek: First Contact” (1996)
The Borg Queen is like a freaky, intergalactic Mrs. Garrett. She just wants to adopt you and make you a better person. All of you. Every. Single. One. See, mamma knows best, and if you don’t think so, she has millions of microscopic, blood-infecting nanobots that will quite literally change your mind. Unlike the Xenomorph queen who wants to use human bodies as disposable incubation chambers, the Borg Queen wants to give you the best body modification makeover you’ve ever seen and make you part of her collective. Sure, you might become a mindless drone but is that really a change? Think of it as joining one big happy family of vacuous goth ravers and BDSM practitioners. The family is big and a bit strange, but you know it’s gotta be fun!
Jeriba ‘Jerry’ Shigan, “Enemy Mine” (1985)
Some people want to be mothers but cannot or do not want to find a suitable partner to procreate with. If that’s your case, you’d probably be better off as a Drac. See, Jerry the Drac was stuck on a hostile alien world with Dennis Quaid after a space battle. The former enemies had to become chums to survive the extremely inhospitable landscape. While the human had to find a way off the planet and find a woman to procreate with, Jerry just got pregnant. He/she just did. It looks like Dracs periodically get asexually pregnant. Unfortunately, pregnancy-related deaths are also a thing with Dracs so Dennis Quaid had to raise the little Dracling, eventually going against his own kind to save him/her, which would later bring about galactic peace. The End.
Well, there you have it: My list of five 80s and 90s movie alien moms for your consideration on this Mothers Day. If you liked this unorthodox list, there are many more idiosyncratic articles at the80sand90s.com/articles and be sure to check out The 80s and 90s Uncensored podcast. With that, I’ll leave you with this quote:
“Get away from her you bitch!”
We list four movies for your summer vacation, followed up with four winter movies for your winter vacation.