If you were a single-mother-raised, latchkey boy like I was in the 80s and 90s, many of your male role models were from film. That’s okay because there were many mentors on the silver screen a young man could look up to. However, some beloved film gurus may not be as good as we all thought, especially years later looking at them through the lenses of a father. To prove this point, here are five movie mentors from the 80s and 90s who are actually toxic.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars

Okay, let’s pretend the prequels do not exist. I’m talking about the original, Alec Guinness Obi-Wan Kenobi here. Sure, Obi-Wan had the wise old, bearded sage thing going on but think about this: He was an old hermit in a robe who lived in the desert. After he saved Luke, he took the boy back to his place, told him to completely defy his legal guardians and run away with him on an adventure. If some old creep tried that on my teenage son, there’d be a major altercation for sure.

Later, Obi-Wan told Luke that a bad guy named Darth Vader murdered his father. Luke only found out that Darth Vader is his father later when the dark lord revealed it to him after inflicting a major injury. Subsequently, Luke confronted Obi-Wan about his lie, to which Obi-Wan justified it with,

“So, what I told you was true… from a certain point of view.”

Luke’s reaction was quite priceless. He looked at the old ghost as if he’s crazy responding,

“A certain point of view?!”

Yeah, that’s the reaction any sane person would have Luke. Later Obi-Wan goes on with his bullshit,

“Luke, you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.”

Obi-Wan might fit in today’s culture of personal truths, but the fact is, he’s a liar. There is no honest point of view that makes it such that Darth Vader killed Luke’s father. Vader is Luke’s father just like the earth is round and climate change is real. A good mentor not only tells the truth but holds the truth dearly and above all else. A good mentor makes their students’ stronger with hard truths, not comfortable lies.

Mr. Miyagi, The Karate Kid

On the surface, Mr. Miyagi looks like a very generous, upstanding mentor. After all, he repaired Daniel’s bike after its apparent demise following an on-road, highly illegal attack by the school bullies. Moreover, he also used his karate to save Daniel from another highly illegal, physical assault by said gang. That’s pretty cool right?

Now, given the multiple highly illegal assaults, Mr. Miyagi could probably have done well to inform the boy’s mother and school officials what’s going on, in addition to encouraging the boy to make police reports given the assaults became increasingly more dangerous. But instead, Mr. Miyagi coerced the boy into fighting the gang in a tournament, straight up Kumate style.

Mr. Miyagi was convinced that he could train this undersized boy to become a black belt in karate in a matter of months to defeat every member of the gang, who were obviously quite a bit farther along in male puberty than he. Moreover, Miyagi thought he’d achieve this by making the boy do all of his house chores. It may have taken Mr. Miyagi a lifetime to attain his karate status but, in his arrogance, he thought he could train Daniel in just months. This was sheer f*****g hubris! What if Daniel got his ass beat (which he well would have outside of Hollywood)? He would have been humiliated and the cycle of assault would continue. Being manipulated, Daniel would then be under Mr. Miyagi’s protection and doing his house chores in perpetuity.

Morpheus, The Matrix

The mysterious Morpheus was known as the world’s truth-monger. Was he really? Think about it. Morpheus finally met Neo and offered him a choice: Take the blue pill and return to his life as it was or take the red pill and find out the truth.

First and foremost: Anyone who offers you the unequivocal truth with pills should be immediately suspect and considered extremely nefarious (a more accurate name than Morpheus perhaps). Taking pills to see the truth rarely ends well in the long run.

Morpheus played into Neo’s youthful disdain for the mundane of his day-to-day life and offered him a potential alternative. However, he provided almost no information and omitted the fact that his new life would be even more pitiful and monotonous than he could ever have imagined.

Omitting truth is still lying.

Morpheus could have said, “Neo, your body is in a capsule of goo and your brain is plugged into a computer simulation. Everything you see, hear, and feel right now is that simulation. Your only job, along with most of humanity remaining, is to provide power for a civilization of robots. You might not believe me, but if you take this red pill, I can show you. However, you will then be part of the real world which is pretty dank and depressing. You’ll be on my ship and eat gruel every day. However, I believe you are the one who can help us take humanity back from these robots. It’s your choice.”

That might not have been as enticing for the Red Pill cause, but it was far more of a complete truth than what Morpheus provided. Again, in an attempt to be mysterious and ensure a preferred outcome, Morpheus horded vital information. It’s no wonder Cypher was angry and betrayed Morpheus. Who can really blame him? The man was manipulated and just wanted a juicy steak!

Ruffus, Bill & Ted

Like Morpheus, Rufus definitely had a cool factor. He was well-dressed and donned the sunglasses like a boss. However, unlike Morpheus, or Obiwan for that matter, Rufus wasn’t a liar, so he had that going for him. Rufus told Bill and Ted everything about the world of the future, their roles in it, and what they had to do in order to save paradise. What’s wrong with that?

Well, after he told them everything, he leaves. That was it. He didn’t tell them how to operate or repair a sophisticated time machine beyond the very basics. He rarely checked on their progress, if at all, through their highly dangerous Excellent Adventure. He just kind of… went away. In their Bogus Journey, Rufus was there the whole time but decided to just disguise himself as a hot chick. Bill and Ted actually died, and he was just hanging out in drag, promoting other rock bands! If it weren’t for their board game skills and ability to inflict wedgies, they’d have stayed dead, no thanks to Rufus.

Rufus was negligent. Rufus was an absentee mentor.

A good mentor might set their students free to learn and experience on their own, but gradually and only after they actually mentored them sufficiently. Rufus essentially handed the keys of a running sedan to a couple of toddlers. That’s most heinous and totally bogus.

Mufasa, The Lion King

Mufasa was the great Lion King of the African Savana, and he knew it. Having the voice of James Earl Jones would make anyone regal enough to rule. Mufasa taught his son Simba that all the light touches is within their kingdom. Not the dark place though! The dark place is off limits. Mufasa made this very clear.

In his arrogance, however, Simba defied his father’s very clear rule and went to that dark place, even taking along a friend. When they were almost killed by the hyenas, Mufasa saved them and had a nice lion-to-lion talk with Simba about his transgression… for two minutes! Then he proceeded to joke around and wrestle with his son, boasting about how he kicked their ass, as if all is well!

As a father and mentor, I would have had that talk (more like yell) but then punished the cub for such a heinous transgression. Simba broke an important, established rule to protect his safety and the safety of his family. Having a Full House style “lesson learned” chat was not nearly enough to show the magnitude of the mistake.

A good mentor is a hard ass when he needs to be.

Instead, Mufasa played the “cool dad” card. Perhaps Simba would have been far more aware of Scar’s odious plans with an alertness that only a father’s good ass-reaming can bring. In fact, he probably would not have even been part of the plan at all because he should have been grounded on Pride Rock, afraid to go anywhere until his father allowed it. Oh well. Maybe Simba learned that being the “cool dad” all the time is actually a very selfish act and would do better with his cub.

Although I believe I make some good points, this article was written in jest. I actually love these movies and their characters. If you’d like to read more articles about films, check out all of our articles about movies. We also have many episodes of The 80s and 90s Uncensored podcast about movies for your listening pleasure. With that, I leave you with this quote: