Five 80s & 90s Things To Do on Valentine’s Day
While your married, engaged or otherwise partnered friends will partake in the same lame traditions people do on Valentine’s Day, we lone rangers have an opportunity to do something truly fun and unique. Here are my five suggestions for 80s and 90s things you can do this Valentine’s Day.
Watch Michael Bolton
It’s no secret by now my love for Netflix and one of my yearly traditions is to drink wine with myself (yeah, with two glasses, not one) and watch Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special. This hilariously self-deprecating, comedic variety show also features The Lonely Island, Sarah Silverman, Fred Armisen and Maya Rudolph. If you are wondering if Kenny G. also makes an appearance, well… you’ll just have to watch.
Hold Your Love High on your Porch or Patio
If you still happen to have a boombox and a Peter Gabriel cassette tape, go out to your porch or patio, hold the stereo above your head and blare, “In Your Eyes” to the neighborhood. They will definitely appreciate your steadfast devotion to true love and you might even attract potential mates as they jog by. For you youngsters, you can also simulate this by connecting your smartphone via Bluetooth to a speaker and stream the song with your phone over your head. The effect is diluted but better than nothing.
Tell Everyone Who Says “Hello” to “Shut Up”
Whenever anyone greets you with a “hello”, tell them to “shut up…”. They will be shocked at first but then you continue with a sentimental and reconciliatory tone, “…shut up. You had me at ‘hello’. You had me at ‘hello’!” People will immediately know what you are talking about and feel elated about being back in your good graces. Unless they are too young to know “Jerry Maguire”. In that case they’ll think you’re a crazy coot, but isn’t that what love does to us? Makes us a little crazy?
Answer The Phone in Creative Ways
Speaking of “hello”, you can try answering your phone in much more steamy 80s and 90s ways. Here are five suggestions:
Ring, ring…
“Love Shack. How may I help you today.”
“You’ve reached 1-900-ELVIRA69. Tell me your spooky fantasies.”
“You tell me your name; I’ll tell you mine.”
“You look good wearing my future.”
“You jump, I jump. Right?”
You see, the possibilities here are endless. And who knows? Maybe that next unsolicited sales call will be your next date!
Take a Bath
Sometimes, you are your own best company and what better way to relax than a hot, candle lit bubble bath. Remember the slogan, “Calgon, Take Me Away”? Well, Calgon is still around and they still make bath products and I still shamelessly try to peddle things on my articles.
Well, there you have it: Five ways for us singletons to spend Valentine’s Day. Do you want to know a secret though?
You can do any of these any day, year around. Ssshhh…
The guys get romantic and share their four best romantic comedies from the 1990s.
